Did you ever have an epiphany? You know where it's like a lightbulb went off above your head like on a cartoon? Well I just did. After reading all this stuff today about Takeninhand, and about the book 'The Surrendered Wife', I finally realized the signs that my wife was showing me. She wants me to take control. In fact, she's asked me in a million different subtle ways before but I never got the picture. Everything just clicked.

Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with Your Man: " Saved my marriage, September 13, 2002
Reviewer: A reader from Illinois USA
Without this book I would be divorced. I was ALWAYS trying to control my husband and he badly resented me for it. I learned to take a step back, relax, and let my husband be the man I fell for. Being able to say 'I can't' is actually empowering for me and saying 'it's up to you' is empowering for my husband. I am not a slave, I am the strong one in our marriage - he just doesn't know it any more. Some things didn't apply to us in the book; however, I am sure they would for other couples. It depends on what your trouble spots are. Give it a try with an open mind. "

Wow. This site is so amazing. This appears to be the answer to my prayers. Now how to get Nicky to read a copy of this book? I feel a wieght lifting off of my shoulders. Could this by my answer? All the pieces are beginning to fit.

Taken In Hand: In praise of Fascinating Womanhood: "That's one of the things this book taught me: to look at life and problems with a positive attitude. Try it! It really works! I've found that simply seeing my husband in a different light has made a whole lot of difference in our relationship. When I started reading this book, it was to fix our marriage (and that means my husband). It turned out that what needed fixing was me and my negative attitude. I can now see how that was spoiling everything. "

I was just reading this site, Taken In Hand: What does the man get out of it? Many things!, and I really think that's what I want. I can't imagine that Nicki would ever go for it though seeing as she's always been a woman who likes to be in control all the time. Maybe that's the draw for me? I find her need to be in control a turn off to me and would rather have her loosen up and have some fun with me being in control. I wonder how happy I would be if this were true. Maybe a bit much to ask on the first "talk" huh?

Probably not what I need to be reading right now, but good stuff regardless. Check out Working Girls. Also, check out this interesting site: My secret life as a prostitute.

Orgy Says:
I *want* you to collar me and tie me to the headboard.
I *want* you to push into my tightness and fuck me slowly.
I *want* you to pull out and then let me suck your cock, letting me taste my pussy juice mingled with your precum.
I *want* to look up and see you looking at me, watching me intently.
I *want* you to flip me over and fuck me up the ass, holding me down and pumping into me until you blow your load.
I *want* to hear those all important words come out of your mouth: Good girl
I *want* to please you.
Im all ready for you, all you have to do is come and get me.



Burbman really likes this description and picture. I might be finding out something about myself that I didn't know, or are all men turned on by this type of women?

Wow you guys really are giving me a beating. Aren't you listening? I have admitted that I'm being irrational and that I know I'm probably wrong. I know that I have to talk to Nicki and I have said I will eventually. You're all missing the point which is that I am pissed that it has to be that way, that's it. I understand what everyone is saying and I appreciate the helpful support.

I know what has to be done and I'm going to do it. This blog is my place to rant about it because it pisses me off to be in this situation. Don't call me a jerk because I'm using this space to talk about it. I could be some idiot who doesn't talk about it at all and instead goes out and has an affair. Give me some slack and some time to come to terms with my problem.

I have to admit that I got sort of pissed off reading the comments from the post below. Nicki went out of town on business for a few days. I'm going to start discussions with her when she gets back. Cut me some slack ok?

Nothing, zip, nada for me sex wise this weekend, again. We're in a really bad place right now. Nicki wants nothing to do with me. I'm convinced she finds me repulsive, or it's the power struggle thing or both. Whatever, I'm pissed about it. I know you all want me to have the talk, and I know I should, but you know what? That's b.s. that I HAVE to have the talk. Why should I? To save my marriage? Yeah, that's a good reason, but I'm one stubborn piece of work, so it's gonna take me a long time to break down and give in.

It's so stupid that I want to scream, all this power bullshit. The truth is, I love having the power. I like to feel that I'm providing for my family, and I honestly feel that I should get some action in return. All I want is a bj or handjob once a month, is that really too much? That's the struggle. Nicki probably realizes this, and doesn't want to give me what I want, or she loses power. Well, I've got news for you Nicki, if you don't give in, eventually, I'm gonna look elsewhere.

Being angry means I'm being irrational, I know. I'm just angrier by the day, and you know what, her giving in to me and us having sex once isn't going to change it this time. In fact, right now I don't see why I would even want to have sex with her because it'll feel like she's just doing it to get it over with. Nothing worse than that. Having the talk just means I'm losing the power struggle and I'm not ready to do that. Still too stubborn. I guess I just stay mad and horny for a long time.

Should I just get one of these and my problems will be solved? Product Information Page :: Fleshlight.Com.

So I wasn't going to get horny today because I had too much work to do, then I got this email spam. Xnews, The best adult newsletter. So now of course I'm stiff as a board after checking out those fine ladies. Heck, even the one of the she-male is hot huh? Seriously, that is one hot chick, um, man, um, whatever. http://www.hotxnews.com/archive/024/tranny2.jpg

I'm so confused when I see shit like that. It's almost like the best of both worlds? Men don't attract me, but women do. So it's like if I see a really hot looking man who looks like a really hot woman, that kind of turns me on. Why? Because I keep envisioning the hot chick that makes me hard, with the mind of a man who is just like me and just likes to get laid. The perfect combo? A man in a woman's body is I guess what I'm trying to say.

Don't label me gay. I know for a fact that if you put a hot man and a hot woman in front of me, I'm going to get hard looking at the woman. I've thought about this a lot. I just believe that gay sex is easier because there's no female b.s involved. That's my belief and my source of attraction to it. I'm tired of being horny, and I'm tired of jerking off all the time. Maybe I just need new ways to masturbate? A real doll maybe or one of those sex toy woman's mouth thingies. Does those really work better then your hand?

Raquetball girl and I ended up accidentally running into each other at a after work happy hour spot yesterday that I went to with my boss before going home. Although we have never spoken, we did recognize each other. Something came over me and I didn't just walk past this time. I stopped and introduced myself. She was all smiles and pleasant wearing her stylish black business suit with her hair up. I'm not sure which was better, her in that business suit or her in her gym shorts, but I liked them both. So we chatted for a few minutes, actually, it was like flirting really. I was really feeling her coming on to me and I was giving it right back. She is way to hot to not want to flirt with.

I so much just wanted to sit down and buy her a drink or 12 and see what would happen, but I didn't. I said my goodbye and went home like a good boy. Need less to say, I was extremely horny and I did my best to let Nicki know I was ready to go, but she gave me one of the standard excuses. So guess what? I masturbated again and felt better, but not really. Many of you want me to talk to Nicki, which is exactly what is going to happen eventually I guess. You're right, I don't feel I need to do it. Actually, I don't feel like I should have to do it. I will though. I'm not giving up yet. But I'm telling you ladies, other men might not put up with so much resistance. Why not take the first step and give your man what he wants without him having to have "the talk" with you? Get with the program. Again, maybe the answer is going gay.

Take Quiver's Advice and spank Nicki Until She Begs for Sex?
	Yes, She'll Love It
	Don't Be Stupid It Won't Work
	You'll End Up Divorced
Free polls from Pollhost.com

This is great. Quiver suggest this. I wish I had the balls to do this. I wonder if this would work on her? Man, I'd really love to spank her right about now.

Quiver: Sex and Marriage: "If all else fails (or if you prefer, before trying anything else) put her over your knee and with one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place, yank her knickers down and spank her bare bottom very hard until she howls. Then spank her vigorously again until she begs at the top of her voice to be allowed to spread her legs and offers her pussy (which will probably be glistening wet by now). Then allow her to service your cock in whichever way you please. A woman who has just been spanked often sucks exquisitely well, and on her knees doing it she can look deliciously beautiful, so that may be a good starting place. "

Logical is right. This is kind of a therapy for me to let it all out, and yes, this is from my perspective. To all who left comments, I appreciate your feedback. That's what this blog is all about. And you are helping me figure this whole thing out so keep the opinions coming.

So I didn't get laid again this weekend. Nicki spent the entire day on Saturday shopping with her mother, and then fell asleep early. I tried to gently wake her up and give her indications that I wanted to be with her, but she was too tired. The next day I gave her an amazing foot massage after dinner. Later that night, she went to sleep, and by that point I was pissed that she didn't show any interest in me that I went to sleep myself. Dumb probably, but why have sex with someone who's not interested enough to want it back? There's nothing worse than that. So I don't get laid, again, big f-ing deal, it's not like I'm not used to it.

So I masturbated about 3 times this weekend just so I felt relief. I've got work to do, and it's fricking cold up here on the upper east coast. I want to be a "man", and I will be a "man", but how lame is it that I'm going to spend the rest of my life being a "man" and being sexually unhappy? You know how Janet Jackson's tit changed the world? Well guess what? One blow job or hand job by my wife could change my life. Pity I have to tell her that. Can't women just understand this shit? Aren't they supposed to be smarter than we are?

This webpage and letter pretty much sums up my story as well. Maybe I'm in the middle of a power struggle.

http://blogs.salon.com/0002153/stories/2003/03/17/disgust.html

"Darby" writes:

A little background first. I have been married to my wife nearly 9 years. We have 2 children (6 and 3). She is 33, I am 35. She is a stay at home mom. Attractive, fit (works out daily while I am at work). I work a 45 to 50 hr week. Provide a 6 figure income and a very comfortable life for my family. I spend a lot of time with my family when I do not work. My wife and I go to dinner at least once a week or every other week and leave the kids with a sitter, so we can have some quite time together. I have done this in an effort to spice up our relationship.

Here is my situation. My wife has very little interest in sex. We will go weeks and sometimes months without being intimate. Her excuse is always that she is tired, or the kids wear her out, or she is unhappy with her body right now, and will feel better when she gets it into better shape. She nevers initiates it. When I try to initiate it, I get the brush away or the "I'm too tired" excuse. After several weeks of this, I cannot help but to become internally frustated. I have discussed my situation with collegues (whom I trust) to see if they are experiencing similar situations with their wives. They are not. I have to take care of my own sexual desires via masturbation, which makes me even more resentful. At this point in my relationship, my only conclusion is that she has either lost interest, no libido or she is unat tracted to me. Being from a divorced family, I have no desire to end this marriage and hurt my children. My wife and I are still able to laugh and find similar interests. She just does not have similar interest in our sex life. Yes, I am a man and I realize our urges are greater than a female. I would be happy with once a week. Blown away with a couple times a week. Unfortunately, it just does seem like it is possible with her. (I have tried all the romantic stuff ie. candles, flowers, clothes, romantic movies, etc.) Those things sometime work, but it is uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I have to work so hard at something just to be intimate with her. It is like a downer for me to think that just being intimate with me is not enough. When she does have sex with me it usually because it has been 6 or 8 weeks (or more) and she realizes that she needs to probably do it to appease me. At that point, I sometimes choose not to be interested to prove to her that I will not take a "charity" sex encounter.

I have been faithful for 9 years (and an additional 5 years prior to marriage). I have passed on opportunities with other women (met during business or collegues). I am now being tempted to act on these opportunities, due to my current situation. Are there any last hopes or advice you can give me to get my old wife back (who enjoyed sex and initiated it occaisionally). Besides losing some hair, I have not deteriorated physically and take hygene very seriously. So, I dont think that can be a reason (as you suggested in an earlier email).

JULIA GREY replies:

Darby, I sympathize enormously. This, in particular, was something that made me wince:


(I have tried all the romantic stuff ie. candles, flowers, clothes, romantic movies, etc.) Those things sometime work, but it is uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I have to work so hard at something just to be intimate with her. It is like a downer for me to think that just being intimate with me is not enough.
Believe it or not, it's a good sign that your hard work is "sometimes" paying off. That means there is hope.

It is very hurtful to any human being to think that for their spouse "just being intimate" is "not enough." But in certain circumstances the cold hard fact is that it isn't. Women do sometimes go into terminal boredom mode and lose all interest in long-term partners (a phenomenon I'll discuss later, with some speculation as to causes and a few possible methods of reviving it).

However, given that you're still having sex occasionally, another aspect of your situation seems to be more salient here. I think perhaps sex has become a power struggle between you. I say that because of this comment:


When she does have sex with me it usually because it has been 6 or 8 weeks (or more) and she realizes that she needs to probably do it to appease me. At that point, I sometimes choose not to be interested to prove to her that I will not take a "charity" sex encounter.
Somehow sex has become a duty for her. A routine job she has to do, rather than a pleasure she wants to indulge in. (I have some ideas bout how that happens, and I'll talk about them later.) The fact that sex has become a household chore is bad enough, from her point of view. But even when she is willing to fulfill that duty, you sometimes reject her effort to "appease" you.

There's a power struggle going on here, in which, for her at this point, offering sex feels like "giving in" to your demands, and at the same time she also realizes that, for you, the dutiful offer is still "not good enough." She knows that you think she's Inadequate to your needs and not doing what she Should do. That makes her both guilty and angry, and that turns her off even more.

It's understandable that you are now feeling that you have Done Enough and you're not prepared to work any harder or make any more concessions. In a sense, you don't want to "give in," either! So you reject her mere "charity" because it isn't the full, complete enthusiasm that you really want.

Your instincts are obviously excellent. You know that expressions of affection and "working hard" will sometimes attract her into your arms in spite of the angry, mutally resistant spiral that has risen up around your sex life. Can you think of any way to break the impasse by looking at it from this point of view?

I'm feeling better today because I've almost convinced myself that I should just go out and get a b.j. or a handjob and not feel guilty about it. Why should I? There are some really hot looking "massage" chicks being advertised in the local smut paper. If I can't get Nicki to give me what I want at home, why should I feel guilty about getting it elsewhere? It's not like a b.j. is cheating is it? Shouldn't be, especially when your own wife won't give it to you the way you want it. Or is that just self justification. I don't know.

I think right now that if I could just get a b.j., then I would stop this obsession and be happier, which in turn will make my marriage better right? It's so stupid because my wife could just give it to me and everything would be all set, instead, I'm sitting here plotting and thinking of ways to get it. Women are so stupid, well, most of them are. I should write a book, it would be called, Save your marriage, A Blowjob a day keeps your man at bay. So I'm not as depressed today. Now where is that smut paper. I'm too chicken to do it, for now.

I guess the "talk" needs to happen soon. I hear you. What's b.s. is that I trust Nicki completely, and now I've gotten to the point where I think "what if she is cheating?" I would curl up and die if I found that out. No way it's true. Plus now I'm convinced that something is wrong with me. Either I'm disgusting to look at, or I'm bad in bed, or whatever, I feel it's on me now. I know I'm no brad pitt, but I'm no disgusting slob either. And when we do have sex, I always make her tremble. I don't think that's fakable is it? I'm a good husband and father, and I provide for my family. I don't cheat, drink, gamble, etc... I work, make money, come home, spend time with them, tell her I love her, etc... But I guess that just isn't enough.

Depression is setting in deeper as I write these words. I'm not sure this blog is such a good idea. I'm only bringing my feelings to a point where I'm making things worse for myself. Ladies, if you're reading this, and you're married, and you want to make your man happy, just give your man something to feel appreciated. I haven't ever surfed porn lately, too depressed. What's the point? So I can pleasure myself again? Even the hot raquetball chick is only making me more depressed. Sorry for the downer.

Sorry it's been so long since posting. The big news is, I still haven't gotten laid, or any kind of sexual satisfaction in what, about 4 weeks now? Sad for my little guy and my ego. I'm now in that who cares mode. Where I just don't give a crap. Soon to followed by the angry mode again, probably in a few days. But it'll be worse. This time I'll think of more ways to do something I'm not supposed to do. I wonder how long it'll take for me to go so far as to really do something outside of my marriage? Of course then maybe I'll get sex one night soon and I'll be satisfied for the moment. How pathetic.

Now I'm depressed. I don't even feel like writing a fantasy, or surfing porn. This sucks.

Ok I'm less pissed now and horny again. I wanted to tell you the story of the hot raquetball chick and I wanted you to see how hot she really is, so I spent an hour or so looking for a pic of someone who looks like her. Here is what I found, this looks like her and is what I'm imagining she would look like naked.

I was playing last night with a guy I know and I ran into this chick in the hallway. I must have looked like a fool but when I saw her I just kept staring as I walked by. She gave me a smile that almost made me drop a load in my pants. I'm serious. She looked at me like I was fresh meat to a tiger. Now, if you read this blog you know I'm not going to cheat on my wife, I'm still hoping to someday get what I want out of our relationship. But, and a huge but. If this chick wanted to get with me, I'm not sure how I could turn her down. ONLY because I'm frustrated at home with my current situation. So hot raquetball chick, if you're reading this, and you want me, I just might oblige because my wife won't I guess.

Here's what I'd do to you. I'd take you by the arm and walk you into the utility closet at the gym. Inside are all kinds of gym equipment and cleaning supplies and a few pieces of furniture from the lobby. Once inside, I'd push you down into one of the cushy chairs and pull your shorts off, rubbing my hands all over your body in the process. You're still sweaty, but I don't mind. I'd go straight for your clit with my tounge plunging in and out of you, licking and sucking you like you've never had it before.

Then I'd flip you over with you elbows propping you up on the seat while I whipped out my dick and jammed it in your pussy. My right hand would grab your pony tail braid and pull your head back gently, while my left hand middle finger would be straight up your ass. In a few minutes after I've made you cum hard, I'd ask you to turn around and get on your knees as I blew my load in your mouth. Then we'd both go home. See you there tomorrow raquetball chick. I wish.

I play raquetball. Wait, first let me tell you about my no sex weekend. I got no sex from Nicki this weekend, again. It's not that I didn't try, she just didn't feel like it I guess, or whatever b.s. reason that keeps coming up over and over again. I used to believe them, now I'm starting to not f-ing care.

Hear that women? This is beginning to push me away. This is beginning to become a problem. Women just don't get it. I bet you that over half of the world's infedility would be solved by women just giving in and giving it to their man every once in a while in a manner that they want it. I never used to be a person who believed that its all the woman's fault, I placed blame on men as well, but as I grow older, and I get less sex, I am beginning to start thinking more and more like a pessimistic and arrogant man.

So let's review. No sex is helping me to become closer to infidelity, making me into an arrogant-massoginistic jerk, and is pushing my marriage into the shitter. And all I want is a f-ing blowjob once in a while. I guess that's too much to ask. Ladies, take note, stop what you're doing right now, no matter what it is, call your man to meet him, pull down his pants and give him the blowjob of his life and like it, or at least pretend to. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOUR MAN WANTS THIS, NEEDS THIS.

So now I'm pissed and not sure I want to tell you about the hot ass chick that works at my raquetball place.

Does anyone wish to loan me the code for their Blogroll? I don't have time to maintain my own blogroll of all the excellent sex blogs out there so If you have a master collection or whatever, can I use it too? Email me at burbman69@hotmail.com or leave a comment here. Thank you!

Hottie Vid Sunbather, Nice! Well that little voyeur vid almost made me want to buy a plane ticket to someplace warm fast. It's cold as you know what way up here in the NE, and even colder in my suburban bedroom. Nicki was looking so good yesterday too. I gently hugged her from behind and purposely didn't feel her up. I just hugged her and whispered to her how amazing she looks and how lucky I was to have her while I kissed her neck slightly.

She wasn't annoyed at all, but she didn't turn around and jump me either. I guess she liked the compliment but apparnetly it wasn't enough to make her want to throw a video on for the kid while we fucked in the bathroom. Very frustrating to say the least. I really try hard to compliment her on how she looks, and how she makes me feel, but it isn't enough to jump start her into my dirtly little whore I guess. I'd like a dirty little whore every once in a while, but I'm coming to the conclusion that she's not into it. Crap.

Here's how I pictured our encounter going as I was jerking off in the shower after being denied. Sad. I'm gently kissing her around her neck area, while rubbing my hands up and down her hips, massaging her and feeling her tight ass slightly. I move my pelvis right up to her ass and push so she can feel my rock hard dick through my khakhis in her ass crack. She pushes back and grinds in circles in response. Eventually she spins around and we begin to make out like we did when we first met. You know, hot and heavy kissing like we both really are ready to get laid.

She pushes me up against the counter in the bathroom and unzips my pants and goes to her knees pulling my dick out and stroking it with one hand, but doesn't waste any time and takes me fully into her mouth, working me nicely with both hand and mouth. I lean back on the counter and push my pelvis out and let her go to town on me for a few minutes. Then I stop her and pull her up and we kiss some more. I ask her if she wants to cum and she says yes, so I turn her around and take off her jeans but not her pink panties. Then I bend her over the counter and move my face down to her ass. I pull the panties away from her asshole and begin to lick it while she moans in pleasure. Then I rip her panties to the side away from her pussy, ripping them quite a bit, but they still stay on. My fingers begin to penetrate her and I rub her clit for a while while she moans and groans.

Now I stand her up and turn her around and sit her ass on the counter's edge. My dick is more than ready to go so I slowly push it in side her as we both watch. We both moan in pleasure as I slowly move it in and out until she finally tells me to fuck her hard. So I do, thrusting in and out of her as she moves her crotch to the motion. Her hands on on my ass, gripping tightly as I pound her and my hands on her hips. We explode at the same time, me filling her up inside and her wetness enveloping all over me. I stay inside her and we kiss passionately for a minute until we're both ready to move on with the day. We get cleaned up and that's that. As she leaves for work she smiles and tells me how much fun that was and gives me a hot little kiss. That's it.

Sad that I have to have this fantasy isn't it about my own wife? I know there are women out there who would appreciate a man that wants to have this type of thing be a reality, right? I don't know. I just dont' know. Quit whining I guess huh?

You know it probably is me that is at fault here. If I would just tell her about all the things I want to do and think about all the time that she might just do them. So I guess I need to blame myself since I'm too chicken shit to find out. What if she isn't receptive, then I'm just a horny perv she married and it's all ruined.

I do appreciate all the comments from you guys. Some of you fail to realize the point of this blog. It's to talk about how my problems are not just about me. There are millions of men like me out there who are experiencing the same problems. What you don't understand is that we love our lives, and our wives, and our kids, so much so, that we are willing to stay married and faithful and all that, even with the lack of sex. Sure, I like to bitch about it, that's what this blog is for, but by no means, under any circumstance am I ready to leave Nicki or be unfaithful. I desperately want to have my cake and eat it too. I want a happy, perfect marraige with lots of great sex. Is that so much to ask? Really?

I fully realize that perhaps I may feel different in the years to come. I understand that every man has their threshold of what they're willing to take. Maybe it gets to be too much for me in the future and I finally get the balls up to go get laid. Who's fault will that be? Mine or hers? I guess there is two lines of thinking here. One is to think that since I got married that I need to be faithful and be unhappy. The second is to think that life is too short and I should just go have fun despite my own decision to get married. What a mess we are in the USA. Sex is such a non-issue in other countries like Sweden, etc... We are all messed up.

Note: I masturbated this morning with the vision of Nicki giving me a blowjob. Yes, I'm so hot for it, that I can even use my own wife to masturbate to. Call it sweet, or pathetic. I don't know which it is. Maybe just sad for me.