Nothing new to tell people. Same story, no sex, with less anger and frustration lately so that's good at least. Things have been busy for us to say the least these days so that's a distraction away from our problems, of which we both still realize that we have and we plan on working out and talking about some more, eventually.

All of you people who are negative and all that, well, I don't write this blog to show you both sides. I write it to vent my frustrations on my side. To show my anger, my doubt, my insecurities about my relationship. Of course I sometimes sound like a jerk. #1, I'm a man. #2, I am saying what everyman would love to say/have, but don't. I am not alone in this problem as I knew and have found out after reading hundreds of emails from people just like me.

One thing I've learned since I started writing this blog. That writing this is smarter than going out and doing something stupid like most men would have done already. I may have problems, but at least I'm addressing them in my own way, and eventually with my wife together.

Meanwhile, like I said above, I'm still not getting laid. Hopefully I can remedy that soon. I can feel the "tension" between us melting away every day since we talked. I believe that things are going to improve soon.

These dolls are both a turn on, and freak show. Doll Album :: Anita Dickens-Hyde. Every man can probably admit that if they could have one of these dolls, without anyone knowing about, then they would have it. Why wouldn't you not want one? This one for example is not bad looking, and let's face it, in all honesty, this is really what men want right? I know that's not true, but I'm sure some of you will read this post and call me stupid for making jokes. Go ahead. You know the only thing that would stop most men from buying one of these? What happens when you die and your family comes over to clean out your house or apartment and they see this sex doll laying in your bed next to you? It's bad enough that your kids will find all of your sex toys like dildos and things, but this would be a whole new level of shock and awe don't you think?

Wow tons of comments on my last post. Just to clarify, Nicky is not on the pill. My update for today is that things are, the same. We've both been too busy to deal with it. Maybe we both are hoping that it'll just go away and things will get better, which we also both know probably won't happen. Regardless for now, we both are keeping the issue in the background and moving on with life. I guess until the next breaking point.

Meanwhile, still no sex for me. This is probably our longest stretch so far in our relationship I think. Maybe not. Not like I keep a record or anything. Cute raquetball girl hasn't been around lately. I guess that's a good thing because she only put the wrong thoughts in my head. So I'm asking again, where are all the guys like me? Are you scared to post a comment? It's anonymous you know. I KNOW there are millions of you guys out there. How do you handle this similar problem? Ty to Eros for the link btw.

Another weekend passes by and I'm still in the slump. No progress on any end. Except for how I am feeling. I've reached a mental place where I'm beginning to be ok with it. The anger is gone for now at least so we'll see how long that lasts but I bet it will come back eventually.

Where are all the men like me out there in my situation? They must not know this blog exists, or they are quiet because I only hear from a few of them. I KNOW you are out there just like me. You must have something to say or offer. How did you fix it? And if you didn't how did you get by?

Thinking of You is a great blog, check it out.

Still no progress with Nicki. Now I'm beginning to feel guilty for the thoughts I have going on my head. Thoughts about other women and sex and what I wish I could just have with her. The problem in my head would be solved if she and I could get on the same page. How messed up am I now? I've been thinking a lot about what I really want and I think I just want some crazy sex. I never did really sow my oats as they say. I never had any crazy and wild sex, and especially, how sad, I never really had a really good bj, or been with a women who liked to give one, or who liked to really have fun with sex. Maybe I'm just going through a phase too. I am convinced that all my problems could be solved by one hot encounter with Nicki every once in a while, but I don't see that happening for a million reasons. Maybe but we'll see. I hope she doesn't wait too long or I don't know what I'll have to resort to. I will continue the discussion if possible.

My boss found this website on my computer yesterday. I accidentally left the blogger screen up. There's only two of us in this office. He is a divorced man with a few kids. I've often listened to him talk about how his X stopped putting out after the kids and how she let herself go physically. That's not why he got divorced he says. He never gave me the full reasons but he did mention that he loved his wife but couldn't deal with how she spent all her love on the kids and none on him, that was one night when we got really loaded and high during the holidays a long time ago. Guys don't talk about that kind of stuff normally so that's about all I've figured out from his comments over the last 5 years. So he found this site and I guess he must have read it. I feel stupid now, but he hasn't said anything to me. That's ok. Back to feeling guilty, and back to being horny.

Raquetball just got more interesting. Cute raquetball girl just got more real to me since Nicki keeps pushing me away. I played last night with my boss after work and she was there. She didn't see me staring at her in those gym shorts, running around the court looking all super hot. Me and every guy in that place was trying not to pop a boner with her there. It's time for a fantasy. I might as well have them again now that I'm still not getting laid.

Begin fantasy. As it turns out the cute raquetball girl (crg) ended up knowing my boss and when she saw him she quickly came over and said hello. He introduced her to me and we exchanged smiles because we both knew we've been smiling at each other for months. Finally we meet. Crg invites my boss and I to a business party she's put together at her office. She's the owner of a small interior decorating firm.

The next day my boss and I leave work and stop by the party. Crg is looking hotter than ever wearing a short black skirt and white blouse that's open enough to see some cleavage. She's pleasantly surprised to see us as I'd hoped. Now me I'm all worked up thinking this could be a chance for something fun and as it turns out I was right. About an hour into the party, I see Crg walk past me and down the hall and into a room. But before she goes in the room she looks back at me and smiles, then she closes the door. 10 seconds laters my feet are moving to the door and I open it up. It's the conference room. The lights are dim and there's a giant table in the middle of the room with many chairs around it. Crg is sitting at the top chair smiling.

Close the door she says, and lock it. So I lock the door and she tells me to sit down in the chair on the other side of the table. I sit down and she begins to talk. She tells me that she's the boss at this company, and in this room, people do what she tells them to do and asks me if I understand that. I nod yes. Right now I'm at full mast and ready to bust out of my pants. She then tells me that since I'm in her room that I am also to be told what to do. I agree.

Crg then spreads her legs and pulls up her skirt in the big leather chair. She points to her crotch and tells me that I'm to come over and lick her shaved pussy. In a matter of seconds I'm in between her legs with my tounge probing her lips and sucking on her clit. She's wriggling in the chair as she tells me to go faster or slower and exactly what to do. I tried to move a finger inside of her and she stopped me and sternly told me that she didn't ask me to do that. Then she stood up, bent over the conference table and told me that I had to know lick her asshole. She user her hands to spread her cheeks apart so I could see he small and tight hole. It looked so clean and tasty that I couldn't resist. I plunged my tounge deep into her. She moaned in pleasure. After a few minutes of that, she turned around and pushed me back into her chair.

You've been good she said as she got to her knees and undid my pants. She looked me in the eyes and enhaled my throbbing dick into her mouth. I almost exploded right there, especially when she grabbed my balls with her other hand. Crg really knew how to work me and I could feel myself beginning to get close to cumming. She realized this and took my dick out of her mouth and told me that I wasn't allowed to cum yet. First she said I had to fuck her as hard as I could, then she would allow me to cum. She bent back over the desk and I jumped right in.

I was pounding her tightness as hard as I could while she was moaning and groaning on the shiny confernece table. I could hear my balls slapping hard back and forth. It was all I could do to not cum, but fortunately, she was ready to go so she did. She let out a large enough groan that I swore the rest of the party outside would have heard it, but didn't seem to care. I just kept pumping away as hard as I could until she finally told me to stop. Good, she said, you take instruction very well, now you get what you came her for. She took my dick into her mouth and within 30 seconds I was blowing my load down her throat. She took every drop without hesitation and I swear that was the hardest I've ever cum.

We were both finished. Crg stood up, fixed her clothes and kissed me on the lips. She thanked me for coming to her party and that she would see me around the raquetball court. And with that, she left the room. I cleaned up and left the party, a much happier man, ready to take on the world with a smile.

End fantasy.

I have an update. I just need to figure out how to explain it all the right way so that I don't get flamed on the comments here. The "talk" did happen, but the results are still not in. Hmmm, I guess I should just explain this now.

Forget all the taken in hand stuff. That isn't going to happen. I know because even just talking about something tamer is a big issue. This talk was about me expressing that I was unhappy with our sex life. And this is important, especially expressing that the reason why is that I know that I'm not doing enough to turn her on, or whatever. Not about how she was doing anything wrong, but that I am the problem, I admit it, what can I do to make it better? By the way, this happened on a Thursday evening after dinner. Nicki had gotten back from her trip and was at her mothers house that afternoon. I finally got the nerve to say something.

Remember, I took all the blame here. I admitted I wasn't doing something right. I asked her to tell me what the problem was. I asked her to let it all out and tell me what I can do to be a better husband and please her and so on. You know what? Instead of understanding and accepting that I wanted to improve our lives, Nicki decided to get angry that I was indirectly saying that she was a failure. She got mad at me for making her feel that way, and I should just get over it. And maybe I should go and get a girlfriend because if you want me to act like a whore to make you feel better then it's not going to happen because that's just the way it is.

The point was, I don't want a whore as I told her, but she took it the wrong way. I specifically said all I was hoping to accomplish was having a wife who wanted me. Who wanted to have sex with me and who was excited to be with me, and most importantly, who would show me that she was interested once in a while, and, again, I stressed that I was the problem, and asked her what I could do or change to make things better. That's it. And, most importantly, no duty sex. I would rather jerk off for the next 40 years than know Nicki was giving me duty sex, which is what has been happening.

But, apparantely, that is too much to ask, or so it seems so far. I guess she's still thinking about it. We hardly spoke all weekend. She still seems pissed off that I brought this up. So now I'm unsure what to think. Maybe this is a first positive step in healing things, or a first step in my hard truth that it isn't going to change and I need to deal with it. So talking doesn't always work. But at least I got the idea moving. Meanwhile, I'm still not getting laid. I love Nicki, and at least now I know where things stand. Hopefully things will improve from here.

It's so stupid. Really. All I want, honestly, is for her to once show me that she's hot for me. For once, show me that she desires me. For once, give me a blowjob and enjoy it, or at least pretend that she loves it. Ladies, if you're reading this and you are in a similar situation, I'm telling you right now, all you have to do is when your man and you are alone tonight, show him that you desire him and tell him that you want him to please you. He'll do anything you desire. Men are shallow, all we want is to please and to feel that we are needed. One little comment can go a long way. Take the first step and save your marriage by dropping your husbands pants and giving him the blowjob of his life.

I'm alive. Yet quite pissed off about the blatent idiocy of comments I'm getting telling me I'm an jerk. You don't know everything you know. If you had the whole story, you might think things different. Things are happening. Nothing drastic like I hope, but something is going to happen soon. I still haven't gotten laid. What is it now, like two months? Stay tuned.