D was on break this week, and was taking care of the kids at home, so I wasn't able to get away from her and write some more after work. She is gone now at her parents house--alone with the kids, upon my request in the form of protest. It really is symptomatic of our deteriorating relationship.
She's coming back on Saturday, so I have a few moments of reprieve. I did something last night that I've only done a couple of times in my life. D has a big black dildo that she swears that she never used since we got married. In fact, she has been trying to hide it in the closet, in a big paper box with all her other trinkets that she supposedly no longer "uses", like her little bowl for marijuana and her oversized vibrators. Anyway, I decided to fish it out of there and get a little bit of anal pleasure out of it. There were a couple of lubed condoms in the bed-stand drawer, and I teared open one of them and rolled it effortlessly onto the dildo. I wanted an easy disposal. I aimed the dildo at the opening, and softly massaged it, and the nice warm electrifying feeling expanded upward to the rest of my pelvis. I always wanted D to lick me down there, but she refused categorically even though I offered to reciprocate. I used some extra lubrication and slowly pushed it into myself. It was a strange feeling that I remembered when I did this a few years ago, a feeling of fullness and a sensation that I was about do defecate, as my sphincter contracted involuntarily, gripping the dildo with a messy, subtle force. I feel myself expanding and becoming aroused, engorged both in the front and in the back. I greased up my right hand and got a good grip while my left hand moved the dildo in and out. This combination of motions lasted a good 10 minutes and the sensation of fullness and loss of control intensified, as I started grunting with every motion.
At this point I was sitting on the floor, and edging toward that final point of no-return. I increased the frequency of my left hand, feeling the tip gently but firmly massaging my prostate, and with every squeeze my sense of control peeled away, layer by layer, until I stopped the motion of my right hand. I felt that fantastic wave rising, quite unusually slowly, first from the inside of my pelvis, then tightening with the rest of my body, as my eyes rolled back and the volume of my animalistic grunts reached its inevitable apogee. The strange, powerful contractions possessed my entire existence as thick white liquid erupted from my orifice. It was a strange feeling, orgasming that way--but certainly a good feeling that I would like to try a few times a year.
A few minutes later when I came to, I saw the puddle in front of me. I wiped it up with some paper towel and dumped the rest of whatever else that needed to be dumped in the trash. I felt lonely.