Life has gotten in the way for updates. For one reason or another, D has been around me constantly lately, and I didn't want her to see this blog. I couldn't do it at work either, as not that long ago someone from work got hired for browsing some adult site or other. Suffice it is to say, my only alone time is Friday afternoons when I get off work early and get a nice cup of coffee at the Starbucks at the strip mall.
D and I have some infrequent sex. Sometimes she asks for it, sometimes I ask for it. It doesn't matter. It's always boorish and sometimes a bit lonely. I even asked her about going to see a couples therapist together, as rare and uncouth as it is in this conservative, irksome city of ours. The kids are alright, not too demanding, and well taken care of by their elderly nanny. I find myself often having wandering thoughts, and often getting a massage down the block, at some Asian parlor, and paying for total indulgence, as her finger runs through my body, the warmth of the massage oil and the parlor music envelopes me as the flame in my loin burns a little stronger. I did that two weeks ago again. She was a good masseuse, and did her best to take out the knots in my shoulders. I turned around and like my usual, she offered "the full service". As she removed my towel I was almost in tears. Her slender fingers gently grazed the back end of the tip of my erection, yielding a remarkable, electrifying sensation. It didn't take very long before I felt the full, involuntary flickering inside my pelvis, fluid filled, ready for discharge, and I moaned. As one of her hand slickly stroked, her other hand cupping my scrotum, I violently ejaculated. The ruthless jets landed squarely on my heart, uncompromisingly dithering in my poorly groomed chest hair. The waves of pleasure subsided and I started feeling the pangs of pain in my pelvis--this occasionally happens to me either after I urinate or before, when after orgasm I feel the pain in my prostate, almost as if I was kicked in the nuts, for a few minutes. I swallowed some air to recover and climbed haltingly off the massage table and put on my shirt and pants, looking respectable again.
Sometimes I think about having an affair, maybe get on a website and looking for a lady in the same disposition as me, and yearn for that violence, that total oblivious, effervescent feeling. I want someone to tie me up and torture me until I cannot go on and emit the last dying cry of an animal in heat.